So what’s your take on weddings?
For me, weddings are the sole reason the phrase, “I am never drinking again.” comes out of my mouth.
You can’t expect me to go to an establishment , where just so happens 2 people are exchanging nuptials, and say, “Open Bar”.
Open Bar? For Real? Sweet
You see, I seem to have a track record at weddings and taking advantage of said open bar.
Case Study #1- Open Bar for 1 hour Wedding
Test: See how any margaritas I can consume within that one hour.
Results: Dancing on the dance floor, while my skirt sneaked its way up(way too high)
Ending up in the bathroom for the rest of the wedding, puking in the sanitary napkin holder that is attached to the
Case Study #2- Mom’s Wedding Age 12.
Test: How many abandoned screwdrivers can I steal after people set them down?
Results: Throwing up ham and turkey pinwheels in the bathtub and sleeping on the bathroom floor. Crying, “Why meeeee?”
My punishment? My Mom said, my hangover was punishment enough. Oh, and I had to clean out the tub.
Case Study #3- My Own Wedding-
Test: How long can I keep the open bar open?
Results: After many many Bud Lights, I managed to extend the open bar the whole length of my wedding
Resulting in the majority of the photos of a
white trash beautiful bride with a Bud Light bottle in her hand and a hefty bill to pay.
Case Study #4- Sister-In-Laws Wedding
Test: Can I still dance?
Results: Doing the “dip” for 2 hours = not being able to lower ones self onto the toilet for days.
I can neither confirm nor deny that a lap dance was given to an 80 year old man.
Total Study Results: I have no business going to weddings.
This recipe requires finely ground almonds. Most grocery stores don’t sell them. So just purchase slivered almonds and pulse them in your blender or food processor until they reach a sand-like texture.
YOu can also form these cookies into the traditional “Crescent Shape”.
- 1½ cups (3 sticks) Salted Butter
- ¾ cup Powdered Sugar + ⅓ cup for rolling
- 1½ cups finely ground Almonds
- 4 teaspoons Vanilla Extract
- 3 cups sifted Flour
- Preheat oven to 325
- In a medium bowl, cream together butter and ¾ cup powdered sugar.
- Beat in ground almonds and vanilla extract.
- Gradually beat in flour until completely combined.
- Measure out about 2½ teaspoons(using your tiny cookie scoop) or eyeball it, and roll into balls or shape into crescents.
- Place onto an un-greased cookie sheet and bake about 15 minutes.
- Do not allow to brown or they will become too crumbly.
- Allow to cool on cookie sheet for 2 minutes and transfer to wire rack.
- Cool for an additional 5 minutes and toss in the remaining ⅓ powdered sugar.
- Store in covered container at room temperature.
- Can be made several days in advance.
recipe slightly adapted from The Food Network